I am an absolute loser and wreck….how did I think a person like me could be married happily or become successful?

At the core of it, I am that same kid who was bullied and called a loser and failure.

I am the very destiny I tried to run from. How desperately I ran. I ran continents to escape myself.

And here I am - having to face the thing I feared the most - ME. The dark hole whose edges I skirted along, doing whatever I could to not fall in. Creating personalities, stories, imaginary friends, love, sexcapades, alcohol, anything that prevented me from saying

I am ill. Very ill and I need help.
I am bipolar.
I am hypomanic
I am a depressive.
I am unstable.

But I went along, creating personality after personality. Copying personalities that I liked and admired. Because how do we fill hallows?

How does a soul fragmented by trauma ever put itself back together again?

What are Fragments of Self?

Fragments are these aspects of ourselves that didn’t get to express their wants, desires, or needs because they didn’t feel it was safe to do so, so they partially detached from the core of the victim and became suppressed. Having said that, this does not mean they’re completely gone.

Triggers can bring fragments to the forefront, causing incomprehensive emotional reactions. As fragments and the 'self' learn to work and operate as separate entities, the rational self becomes unavailable. When people get stuck in a reactive pattern, it means that, most likely, the irrational impulsive fragment now leads to behavior and responses.
People with disintegrated fragments of self are not in control over their actions – their (younger) trauma-affected self is. There is no outside force that can remove power and influence from strong fragments, but the individual can work on identifying their fragments and try to overpower them by re-integrating rational thought.