If I let my inner critic free to talk, it would say...
I am an absolute loser and wreck….how did I think a person like me could be married happily or become successful? At the core of it, I am that same kid who was bullied and called a loser and failure.
Leaving alcohol comes with grief. For the loss of these parts and the “fun” we had while drunk. I work on allowing the grief, it is many layered and ancient. I feel the grief of being abused, the grief of losing who I could have been, the grief of losing loved ones.
Where does this level of pain come from? Often people struggle with self-harm, deep emotional distress, fear of abandonment and rejection. Would eventually get a BPD diagnosis.
For some children love is to be earned. Our politeness, respect, agreeing with them. Good grades, sportsman, musician. Let me make them proud you say. Maybe then they will love me. Because if I don’t make them proud I let them down and if I let them down I won’t be loved.
Trauma, has anyone asked you what happened to you? Have you asked yourself that and held space for what emerges and was? Can you for today, hear the sound of your OWN voice?
We walked on sharp shards of crystal glass called her "rage". No one knew when the physical blow would come for waking her up from a nap or not wanting to do homework.
You cannot mend yourself, heal yourself, with the broken shards of another. If you do, you get a broken, shattered mug, that looks ok on the outside, but when you pour water into it, it leaks through the cracks.
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