Yes. For some children love is to be earned. Our politeness, respect, agreeing with them. Good grades, sportsman, musician. Let me make them proud you say. Maybe then they will love me. Because if I don’t make them proud I let them down and if I let them down I won’t be loved.

If I am rude, I won't be loved.
If I stand up to them, I won’t be loved.
If I don’t allow her to beat me, I won’t be loved.
If I don’t protect her, I won’t be loved.
If I don’t listen to her troubles all night, I won’t be loved.

“You will only get love if you give to others and do for them selflessly.”

So I persevered.
I served. I cared. I loved.
I took the beating.
I spoke to her with my eyes respectfully averted.
I gave her company when she overdosed.
I understood her grief.
I knew what she needed before she expressed it.

I was 12.

I worked hard for love. I worked hard for validation. I worked hard for attention. I worked hard for hugs.

All I know is how to work. Never to rest. To be perfectly productive. To keep giving. To keep striving and longing. For a home. For belonging. For someone to say, “you are mine, you can rest now".

Children who are not loved unconditionally grow up to engage in relationships similar to their parents in the hope of completing that cycle. This is unconscious. They may find themselves becoming co-dependent or without boundaries. Constantly involved in relationships that are unhealthy or one-sided.